Five Years Later

Written by Judah Schiller.

Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? Hmmm. That’s a tough one. Not sure which one hurts more, though both do a terrific job of crystallizing the ever present reality that my kids’ mother, Galit, died five years ago and is never coming back. One might think that Mother’s Day would be the clear winner. Going to the cemetery to visit her grave and hearing my five-year old boy, Satya, curiously remark that we are going to see “Ema” (the Hebrew word for “mother”) is always painful. The fact that eating ice cream and looking at pictures over her grave is the only physical experience he has had, and will ever have, of his mother since she last kissed him before dying three days post-childbirth is crushing. 

Father’s Day, on the other hand, brings a more sublime sense of absence and sadness. It is a day when, on the one hand, I tend to reflect and say “wow,” I’ve actually managed to juggle managing three kids’ lives, keeping a house in relative order (and more or less clean), taking care of myself, relatively speaking – all while also running a global brand marketing agency. And with the exception of the Marin County Sheriff showing up the doorstep with my 7^th grader in tow at 2:00 A.M. one night and the usual drama with homework, grades, and sibling rivalry, our children are all turning out bright, sweet, creative, and kind. On the other hand, Galit isn’t there to see any of this – how our beautiful 10-year-old girl, who looks so much like her, has her wit and her will, or how she and the boys will all work together to prepare and bring my “order” of scrambled eggs, toast, juice, and coffee to bed with big smiles on their faces. So many wonderful moments that she does not now see and I can’t share with the one person who cared the most.

Five years later and I am now solo hosting the first big family event – the bar mitzvah of our 13-year-old son. To be honest, I’m not exactly a detail oriented person and definitely not one who relishes in selecting decorations, napkin colors, or choosing top-10-must-have-family-songs for the DJ. Anyone who has ever planned a big event knows how many to-do’s there are and the anxiety of wanting everything to turn out great. Only for me, it gets better. The day before this major event celebrating an ancient rite of passage in the Jewish religion and my son becoming a man is also the five-year anniversary of Galit’s passing. While not quite as insanely paradoxical as celebrating the ritual circumcision, the brit milah, of our son on the 8^th day following his birth – and burying his mother in the afternoon – it comes in a close second.

I really just wish she were here. Here to look on and watch as her son overcomes his boyish nervousness and goes up on stage to lead the service and read the Hebrew words from the Torah (the Old Testament) for the first time as a man. He has been practicing diligently for so many months, learning the words and the melody, writing his speech that unveils his own interpretation of the passage he is reciting and, while I know he won’t acknowledge it, I can sense he wishes she were here too. We’ve seen other kids’ bar mitzvahs and their mothers are always there filled with pride and love. At ours we will have to use our imagination, just as I will do the day after on Father’s Day remembering the woman who blessed me with the joy and privilege of being a father to three wonderful children.

 More on the Author, Judah Schiller:

Judah Schiller is Founder and CEO of AIKO Agency. For the past decade, he has been on the vanguard of infusing brands with purpose, advising and partnering with senior leaders in Fortune 500 companies to solve complex business and societal challenges. Judah also devotes his time as a board member to One Heart World-Wide, a 501(c)(3) dedicated to saving the lives of mothers and infants in the developing world. He lives in Mill Valley, California with his three amazing kids.